Therefore the Flashpacker will turn his attention to observe the crazy life that is London-town. And of special interest to me this week is a suggestion for a pedestrian code of conduct to be enforced in London.
Last night I was walking to a restaurant and got shoulder barged on the pavement by 3 separate people. Each head-down, pavement hogging and without an apology. I tried to get out of the way but that just showed weakness. What was most intriguing was that they were women. Not to say that women don't shoulder barge, on the contrary. In London, women shoulder barge more than the men do. At least they seem to shoulder barge me more than men do.
A nice stroll down the street
Fuck that. If this happened on the road I would be suing their asses for driving in the wrong lane, endangering life etc. This got me thinking. Should the Lord Mayor adopt a strict pedestrian code of conduct?
The Peak hour 'wave'
I said most. There is always a bad apple in the bunch. Slow walkers are the scourge of the city, they can clog up entire tube stations, streets and food hall queues.
Fast lane violators
Fuck poverty! This is a cause worth fighting for
The Oxford Street fast lane would: 'keep pedestrians moving, there would be a strict ban on using mobile phones, pushchairs, wheelchairs, cameras and personal stereos. Pets would also be barred (except guide dogs), as would eating, map reading, and smoking. ' Too right.
London has a vast network of wasted CCTV cameras. They could be used to enforce pedestrian violations instead of real crime. Gone would be the curious, the idlers and the relaxed. Instead the city would move systematically, efficiently and relieve the ever constant threat of 'pedestrian rage' that hangs above it.
I would lobby Mayor Boris Johnson but I don't have any time. Fucking idlers.
Boris hard at work