Dicks, tits and Swedish Summer Days

There is nothing more important to a Swede than Summer. The winters are is so cold and dark that the nation needs a good burst of sunshine each year or it all goes pear-shaped. And its very aparent now that I have moved back to Australia after eight years in Scandinavia, that the summers in Sweden are'nt that much warmer than the winters back at home.

A good summer in Sweden is remembered for years to come. The highest ever summer temperature reading in Stockholm was 35.4C in 1975. Old people dropped like flies and the forests around the city burned to cinders. To an Aussie thats pretty amazing stuff, considering 35C is a pretty normal for a summers day. But if you are ever planning to visit Stockholm, it pays to brush up on your knowledge of weather statistics because if your unlucky enough to visit during a shit summer, all the Swedes want to talk about is the weather.

Weather is the great Northen European ice-breaker. Any Aussie who has lived in the UK knows this. As a travelling Australian, cracking jokes about shitty European summers is a good way to get your head puched in, weather tension is that deep-rooted round these parts. Sensing a Viking pillaging during one such conversation, I pathetically reversed 'errm..but it can get too hot in Sydney', or 'the Aussie sun isnt that good for you, lotsa skin cancers ya know...we tend to stay indoors at midday'. A silly attempt at justification, and its pretty obvious that they would cut off both their arms to swap places with us.

Theres a saying here in Sweden; 'Lagenhets Ångest', or 'Apartment Guilt'. Its the feeling of dread one gets if one is inside on a beautiful summers day. Sure, Aussies get it too, but nothing like a Swede does. They flock to park benches, 99% naked and covered in tropical oil to get as much colour on them as possible. To me its a sobering sight, a whole city staring up into the sun like they have never seen it before or are never going to see it again.

I have just been to my mates Kenneth and Anna Maria's wedding in the south of Sweden. Kenneth called me the day before and explained in a very serious tone that it was predicted to rain the whole weekend. Knowing him he had probably been monitoring weather patterns for six months prior to the big day. Lucky for us all the sky broke apart and the sun shone for most of the day. And what a day it was!

As we first sat down at the wedding it was amusing to witness 100 people sitting nervously at the dinner table, hands on their knees, staring forward and talking soflty about the bloody weather, then BANG! 30 minutes later it degenrated into talk of balls, tits, dicks, asses and shits. Maybe its the company I choose to keep, but it that sums up the Swedes for me. Reserved as a cold winters day until the development of strong spirits, blossoming into a heatwave nightmare.

I have to admit I envy the appreciation for the summer in Sweden. They get the most out of each sunny day they can. We Aussies dont really get it, as its never really that harsh for us. But its all relative I guess. Sydney's winter seemed cold to me, 11C at night and 18C during the day. But to a Swede that's pure paradise.