Life in the fast lane

After a lengthy hiatus, The Flashpacker is back! The date for this post is March 18 2009 which makes it over 5 long months.

Unfortunately for this blog post, routine life doesn't make for interesting travel stories.

Therefore the Flashpacker will turn his attention to observe the crazy life that is London-town. And of special interest to me this week is a suggestion for a pedestrian code of conduct to be enforced in London.

Last night I was walking to a restaurant and got shoulder barged on the pavement by 3 separate people. Each head-down, pavement hogging and without an apology. I tried to get out of the way but that just showed weakness. What was most intriguing was that they were women. Not to say that women don't shoulder barge, on the contrary. In London, women shoulder barge more than the men do. At least they seem to shoulder barge me more than men do.

A nice stroll down the street

Fuck that. If this happened on the road I would be suing their asses for driving in the wrong lane, endangering life etc. This got me thinking. Should the Lord Mayor adopt a strict pedestrian code of conduct?

I'm stating the obvious here but London is a metropolis. Its shoulder to shoulder on the roads, trains and pavements. And as Londoners seem to have no time to waste, an unofficial pedestrian code has been adopted by most pavement commuters.

The Peak hour 'wave'

Its quite similar to road rules: do the speed limit, keep left, don't stop and talk to anyone, allow faster walkers to pass, don't tail gate (or ass gate..whatever).

I said most. There is always a bad apple in the bunch. Slow walkers are the scourge of the city, they can clog up entire tube stations, streets and food hall queues.

Fast lane violators

I follow this 'unofficial' code to a tee. I keep left, overtake when safe to do so, never tail (ass) gate, why should these idlers be allowed to make me late?

Its high time that this unofficial code be recognised and enforced. People just don't have enough time anymore. With fast lanes, speed cameras and pavement police, Londoners could shave minutes off their daily commute. Think about what they could do with an extra minute!

Some years ago a campaign group with no time to waste suggested that a 'fast lane' be trialled on Oxford Street and managed the same way as one would find on a regular road. You know, police hiding behind dust bins, pavement spikes, speed cameras and the like.

Fuck poverty! This is a cause worth fighting for

The Oxford Street fast lane would: 'keep pedestrians moving, there would be a strict ban on using mobile phones, pushchairs, wheelchairs, cameras and personal stereos. Pets would also be barred (except guide dogs), as would eating, map reading, and smoking. ' Too right.

London has a vast network of wasted CCTV cameras. They could be used to enforce pedestrian violations instead of real crime. Gone would be the curious, the idlers and the relaxed. Instead the city would move systematically, efficiently and relieve the ever constant threat of 'pedestrian rage' that hangs above it.

I would lobby Mayor Boris Johnson but I don't have any time. Fucking idlers.

Boris hard at work